


Lapsing

by JumanjiiCostco



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, I'm really sad, willfully forgetting caleb, wow i hate myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 07:41:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16404164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JumanjiiCostco/pseuds/JumanjiiCostco
Summary: Despite his perfect memory, sometimes... Caleb forgets.





	Lapsing

Sometimes he forgets to be smart. Sometimes, in the moments between consciousness and the drag of sleep over his eyelids, he remembers the warmth of her laugh. The perfect fit of her fingers between his. The tickle of waking up with her hair in his face. Sometimes he forgets to protect himself from the onslaught of memories that follow: when the dam is broken, they just keep flowing. 

The brush of hands that started everything. The scent of her hair on his pillow. The tempo of her heartbeat, a waltz against her rib-cage, through her skin, against his palm. The unshaken determination on her face in her parents’ cottage. The confusion in those last few seconds, flames casting flickering shadows over her features, painting a picture he never wanted to see. 

Sometimes, he forgets to protect himself from how much he remembers her. From how much he misses her. Sometimes, it gets the better of him. 

He doesn’t drown in his dreams. There are no stones in his way, no mentors to blow up or wide, all-seeing eyes to draw him to enlightenment. There is only the flicker of flame and the stinging of smoke in his eyes and the weight of Astrid’s gaze against his back. There is regret. There is shame. There is self-depreciation. 

Sometimes, he forgets that love has ruined him twice. 


End file.
